Why do I say the things I say?

Maybe beacause somethimes i'm kinda angry or just because i had a bad day . Somethimes when i'm angry I say things i don't mean and i hurt people , i apologize but it's not enough and i regret all those things i said. Today i did this things i hurt an old friend for a stupid reason cuz she disturbed me from watching a movie and now she's pretty angry on me. But i plan to say i'm sorry , tomorrow i will . Another thing that happened today was that i meet a pretty interesting guy , OMG he was so smart just the way i like it , i was fascinated by the way he explained stuff about the future . That was the moment when i said to myself "I want a guy like him " . He's not handsome but he is smart , and i like that . Today i thought about a lot of stuff like my future , and i'm pretty dissapointed cuz that guy told me that the college i want to follow has no future , well that got me thinking . I keep listening to leona lewis non stop since yesterday i just love it . I intend to write poetry again but i'm not sad or hurt , and i can't write for a while . I wrote a lot of poetry when i was hurt and dissapointed , that's my way to tell others how i feel.
I wrote some lyrics a few days ago , i wrote them on my phone , i guess they will remain there for a long while till i'll be said again and i'll have the power to write it down on a piece of paper. Today i felt empty again , like a vase with no flowers , it's a strange feeling cuz i don't feel anything for anyone i just think about the past and i imagine stuff , i hait when i'm like this cuz i usually care about people and if i'm feeling empty i don't give a s.... about them . Somethimes i'm glad i feel like that but know it's different , i want to care but i can't.